When awareness comes to you...
Your circle of friends will decrease. You will begin to notice that the usual conversations with friends and acquaintances somehow do not stick. It seems that everything is as it was, but for some reason it is less interesting. Because you will no longer be able to support conversations that everything is bad and everyone around is bad, work does not inspire and business does not go well, the husband is opposed and the wife is to blame for everything. You will stop playing games because it takes at least two people to play by the rules. And that is why you will become a very uncomfortable person for your friends, who spoils the whole game and shows with all appearance that the king is naked.
It will become hard for you to work at an unloved job and do something that makes no sense. Thus, either you choose to get involved in the current activity as much as possible, or change it radically. If necessity, fear, habit or automatism kept you in your old job, it will immediately come to the surface and you will have to do something about it.
Your relationship will start to burst at the seams. Because most relationships are not a whole union of equals, but a tangle of interdependencies and compensations. Feeling that he is losing you, the partner will make every effort to bring you back, but you will react to all reproaches with surprise and incomprehension, like the attempts of an alien to establish contact with you in the Martian language.
You will feel lonely. Because all unnecessary and fake connections that were built on insufficiency, emptiness, consumerism and selfishness will fall off. And this new, do not understand where the emptiness formed from, at first will frighten you, like a gaping abyss, but gradually it will begin to be filled with exactly what is alive and real in you.
You cannot deceive yourself or others. Almost physically (like Pinocchio with a growing nose) you will feel any inner untruth - in words, thoughts and actions. And it will be just disgusting, because every time, saying something different from what you really think, you will feel the gnashing of cat's claws in your soul. And no, it doesn't turn off.
You suddenly find that people around you are suffering greatly. And they suffer not from a hard life - on the contrary, everything is in order with their lives. They suffer from the illusion that something is wrong with their lives. And if earlier you were too busy living your own suffering, then now you will begin to live all the suffering of the people around you, because your own will no longer exist. And at this moment, you will have only one thing left - to help everyone and everyone at every moment of time, with what you can - because it will be simply impossible in another way.
You will be ashamed. For many of your past words and deeds, because you have to face the truth and admit that the source of all your problems is not someone from outside, but you yourself. As soon as you realize this, shame will go away, and inner peace will finally take its place.
You will talk less. Because everything that you said out of fear, envy, selfishness and anger will fall off. You will no longer be able to write judgmental comments on social networks, because it will no longer be important and necessary. And in general, for some time you will not be able to write anything at all, because everything that you wrote before will seem nonsense to you. And it turns out that silence is really golden, which we often do not notice because of the fuss and fast speed of successive events.
Your picture of the world will collapse. And you will understand that there is not only your correct opinion and all the rest are wrong, but an endless space of options and possibilities. And all the limitations are nothing but an illusion invented by you.
You will have to take responsibility for yourself. You will understand that you have nothing to expect from anyone, and no one owes you anything. Everything that is in your life does not depend on external factors, a stupid boss, a slow-witted partner and the bitcoin rate, but on you. You are living exactly the life that you deserve, and you will not have anything else until you take responsibility for what is. But precisely at this moment, personal responsibility will cease to be a burden from which one must run, sparkling with heels or dumping it on others, it will become the only true and logical order of things.
And so, day after day, everything superficial, artificial and hypocritical will begin to crumble, exposing internal voids. And everything real will be revealed, grow, break through, strengthen and take root in you. And this is far from a gentle and pleasant process. Often this is a crushing breakdown of habits and automatisms acquired over the years. But when you get out from under the rubble of your broken mental templates, you will understand that it was worth it.
© Katepina Goddess